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Midseason awards

Click here for more on this story

Posted: Friday June 02, 2000 12:06 PM

  Alan Shipnuck - On Tour

CRAMMED INTO UNITED AIRLINES STEERAGE, BOUND FOR THE KEMPER OPEN -- The golf season is now exactly half over (sniff, sniff). With the rat-a-tat of three majors in as many months almost upon us, I thought this would be an excellent time to look back on an eventful first half. The Grand Slam events are so outsized in their hype and their historical importance that much of what transpires in the season's first five and half months inevitably is forgotten by year's end. So, as a public service, here is one man's scorecard (if I've forgotten anything, it's only because of the tremendous mental energy it takes to block out My Dog Skip, which is playing overhead. I know you fellow frequent fliers can sympathize.)

 
MAIL CALL
Although I normally enjoy your columns, I must say the vision I had of you in your "tighty-whiteys" hunkering down on your couch with a bowl of Count Chocula evoked a gag reflex that would do Davis Love proud.
—Ken Chappelear, Sioux City, Iowa

Well said, Ken. Upon reading that passage my wife, too, was outraged that I would claim to wear them. I gently tried to explain what we in the business euphemistically refer to as "artistic license." For the record, I like the better ventilation that comes with boxers. However, I stand by the Count Chocula.

Have you ever golfed the ball with John Garrity? His club is very near my house -- I often wonder as I'm driving by if one of the old boys out there is him. I always look for a guy with a multitude of "swing fix" gimmicks strapped to his body.
—Tyler Motsinger, Leawood, Kans.

Yes, Greg Norman's Secret would be a big tip off. Another helpful clue -- more than just Garrity's vocabulary is outsized. The man is 6'6". I would also tell you to look for a sickening amount of SI logoed glom -- golf bag, silk Hugo Boss shirts, merino wool sweaters, Titleist balls -- but I just remembered that's me, not him.

Shipnuck, you've been to the mountaintop of this column. Now it's time to reach greater heights. What do you have in store for the future? We need a book, your own Web site, a golf show or something. I, your faithful reader, challenge you to step outside of your comfort/complacent zone and take your gift to the next level. Looking forward to it.
—Brian, Atlanta

Gee, I guess I shouldn't have mailed in last week's lame column. What a rebuke! This Knute Rockne- like pep talk was all I needed to get my schwerve back on. FYI, I just finished all the second-draft tinkering on my book, which Simon & Schuster will publish at year's end. I gotta keep teasing you guys for now, but put it this way: The On Tour reader will not be disappointed. As for taking my talents to the next level, rest assured, Brian, I will. In golf terms, I may be on the Space Coast tour now, but someday soon I'll ready for the Hooters tour. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think ...

Player of the Half-Year: Tiger Woods, Karrie Webb (tie). Both have been sensational, with mind-boggling consistency and nerve-jangling winning streaks. Webb would seem to have a leg up, with her major performance at the Dinah Shore, but week in and week out Woods faces deeper competition, so call it a push.

  • Honorable Mention: Phil Mickelson. A word on Phil: This may come as a grave disappointment to the faithful reader, but right now Mickelson may be my favorite player in golf. He has shown tremendous chutzpah this year, especially in breaking Tiger's winning streak in San Diego and dropping that 63 on Sunday at the Nelson. (That he got in my grill a year ago is but a happy footnote. As I said at the time, I appreciate the fact that he's a straight-up guy.) Mickelson looks ready to make some serious noise in the majors, and if he does he could easily take P.O.Y. honors.

    Biggest Flop (not involving an L wedge): An easy choice -- Sergio Garcia. His record is abysmal, both here and abroad, but we knew the kid was never going to be a model of consistency. What is so disappointing is that he has never made his presence felt, even for a second. With that much talent and flair and on-course personality, who would have guessed Sergio would turn out to be so, well, boring?

    Best Shot: Has to be Woods's wedge from 97 yards on the 15th hole of the final round of the Crosby Clambake. This hole-out for eagle helped propel him to his sixth consecutive victory, and once again proved that Tiger is not only the best player in golf, but also the most electric.

  • Honorable Mention: Woods's wedge on 16, which he almost jarred for another eagle. Also, Vijay Singh's incredible curling approach to the devilish 14th green at Augusta National during the third round of the Masters. Singh's kick-in birdie extended his lead and proved that even in some of the most brutal conditions ever seen at a major, he is a shotmaker nonpareil.

    Worst Shot: David Duval's chunked five-iron into Rae's Creek on the 13th hole of the final round of the Masters. At least he was there. Right?

  • Honorable Mention: Tiger's approach to the 18th on Monday at the Memorial. Has that ball come down yet?

    Most Clutch Putt: Kirk Triplett's 5-footer on the 72nd hole at Riviera to win the Los Angeles Open. After a lifetime of blowing tournaments and cashing checks, the balding journeyman finally showed some real cojones.

    Least Clutch Putt: Any of those struck by Ernie Els on the back nine Sunday at the Masters. Els golfed the ball with authority, earning birdie putts on every hole on the back side. If he could have coaxed a couple into the hole, the green jacket could have been his.

    Best Hallmark Moment: The teary hug between formerly feuding sisters Annika and Charlotta Sorenstam, after the latter's first career victory at the Welch's/Circle K Championship. I had a lump the size of a Titleist in my throat.

  • Honorable Mention: Paul Azinger's heroic victory in Hawaii, slaying the demonic legacy of his lymphoma and honoring the memory of his best buddy Payne Stewart, whom he spoke about so movingly after the victory.

    Three Letters I Wish I Had Never Heard and Hope Never to Hear Again Because I Really Don't Give a Damn About Five Extra Yards and the Whole Thing Is One Big Marketing Gimmick Anyway: ERC.

    Best Reason to Reintroduce Technicolor Polyester Plaid: Jesper Parnevik's pink pants. God help us all.

    Sports Illustrated golf writer Alan Shipnuck will take you On Tour each Wednesday at golfplus.cnnsi.com. Click here to send Alan a question or a nice, friendly comment.

     
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